“How to Manage ‘Mess’”
In ANY relationship—romantic or platonic—there WILL be some conflict, sometimes.
Conflict doesn’t necessarily mean we have a “problem.” It does mean we have a “difference” (of opinions, priorities, or desired outcomes).
And, we need to “manage” those differences—before they become problems.
Your ‘Mess-Management’ Style Is?
High volume ridicule, defensiveness, unfair comparisons, tantrums, twisted facts, ultimatums, bitter sarcasm and attention-grabbing hysteria should all be considered off limits regardless of the circumstances.
Apologies and explanations, after a blow-out are a poor substitute for setting mess-management ground rules in advance.
Those who resolve conflict most effectively are those who believe that all they really could lose in an argument is the argument itself.
Not their self-esteem.
Not the other person’s affection.
And, certainly not the relationship itself.
Ask It AND Give It, Too!
Tell the other person what works best in communicating with you, when you are hurt or angry.
Do you need to be left alone for a time to regroup (Aladrian)?
Or do you most need to get to the end of the story quickly (me).
At times the best approach is to hear each other fully, then simply agree to disagree. Some of our conflicts aren’t important enough to require 100% agreement.