At the close of a seminar I recently presented, an attractive 30-something woman stepped up to greet me. She flashed a huge smile–and a mega-carat diamond ring–and proceeded to tell me her incredible story.
It seems that a few years earlier Tonya had attended my singles workshop, upon which my new book, No-Nonsense Dating: How to Maximize Your Confidence and Recognize Your God-Given Soulmate is based. She had long desired to encounter her own high-quality soulmate, but confessed that she had grown frustrated with “all the nonsense that goes with dating.” Tonya’s confidence had hit rock bottom and she’d all but given up.
“That day, at the workshop, something finally clicked,” Tonya recounted. “I made a commitment to follow through on all the strategies you taught us—no matter what.”
Eighteen months later Tonya had met, fallen in love with, and married who she calls “the most wonderful guy in the universe.”
It took crystal clarity about she wanted in a mate, and what she had to offer one. And it took confidence for Tonya to actively pursue her goal.
If you’re single and serious about finding love, it’ll take the same for you.
Moving from barely dating to serious soul-mating will mean taking action. It will involve risks. The problem with risk-taking is that there are no guarantees as to what the results will be.
Rejection, one-way attraction, and disappointed expectations are like a punch in the nose, an all-out assault on your self-esteem. To avoid a rerun of that pain too many singles have simply gotten out of the game. They expect that their efforts to find a meaningful relationship will go nowhere. And if you expect that, you’ll probably get that.
Taking risks, on the other hand, involves stretching your limits and walking through your biggest fears. It’s about daily taking another courageous step of faith toward the kind of relationship or marriage you yearn for, rather than doing almost nothing and going with the flow.
But to desire love, without taking action to pursue it, is as empty as faith without works. You’ll procrastinate, endlessly waiting for the “perfect” conditions before launching forward toward the love your desire. The fear of failure convinces us that we can’t blow it if we don’t go for it. But the truth is no one succeeds who is not willing to fail.
So I urge you— whether you’re male or female—to take some risky, but rewarding action for the sake of love. Cast off your procrastination and your excessive self-protection and take the steps you would take if only it didn’t look so scary and feel so uncomfortable:
- Take the risk of letting someone see who you really are, behind the mask and under the layers of protection.
- Take the risk of going after your first choice, rather than settling for your second, third, or fourth.
- Take the risk of living as if what other people think about you is their business and not yours at all.
- Take the risk of saying, “Yes, I will. I’m worth it.” Or, “No more. I won’t accept this kind of treatment any longer.”
- Take the risk of deciding: “What’s one “baby-step” I could take today in order to connect with my potential soulmate–if only I weren’t afraid?” Then, in spite of your fears, take that bold step anyway.
Of course, some of your most confident moves will flop and go absolutely nowhere. But the beauty of risk-taking is that it can return far more than you invested. You’ll steadily strengthen your participation and pursuit muscles. Believe me, you’re going to need those muscles far into the future.